1.3 She Will Never Be Mine

When Annelise got home from lunch, she was surprised to see Gavin walking up to his front porch in the middle of the afternoon. She wondered if he was home for lunch, but knew that he wouldn't have had time to pick Clara up and then bring her back to the sitter all in his 40 minute break. "I wonder if Clara is sick," she thought to herself.

 Annelise walked over to the pair. "Hey Gavin, what are you doing home so early today? Is everything okay?" she asked.

Gavin sighed. "My babysitter called and left a message at school. Her mother lives in Twinbrook and fell ill-she needed to get to the hospital immediately and asked me to come pick up Clara. I don't know how long she is going to be gone!"

"Why don't you leave her with me, and head back to work? I can hang out the rest of the day with her, and I'd even be happy to watch her the rest of the week until you figure out how long your sitter will be gone." 

Gavin smiled. "Oh, thats okay. That is so nice of you to offer, but I'd hate to impose. You probably don't want to spend your day with a baby, they're so much work." 

Annelise looked down and thought to herself, "If only you knew just how badly I've wanted to spend my days chasing little ones around."

"No, please. I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to. I'd love to hang out with this doll face the next few days."

Gavin's faced noticeably relaxed. "You are a life saver, Annelise. Here is the key to my house, everything she needs should be there. I've also got a diaper bag in the car, and I should be home by five. Thank you so much," he said as he kissed Clara goodbye and handed her to Annelise. He didn't know why he felt so calm about leaving his little girl. He hadn't left her with anyone since her mom decided to walk out on them both when Clara was only six months old. 

After Gavin rushed back to work, Annelise and Clara headed to the neighborhood park. Annelise watched Clara play, and memories of her past came flooding back. Her daughter would've been about Clara's age, and part of her heart ached, wishing she had gotten to hold her baby even just once. She sadly thought about the baby she never got to hold in her arms, rock to sleep, and see her smile. So much had been taken from her over the past few years. "Why am I torturing myself?" She wondered. "I knew spending time with a baby would be so hard on my heart."

But then Clara looked up and said "Lisee!" with her tiny voice. Annelise's heart swelled as Clara practiced taking some of her very first steps on her wobbly legs. On her last steps she fell into Annelise's arms giggling, and snuggled into her chest. Annelise breathed in that precious baby scent and held her tight. That hole in her heart seemed to shrink just a little as she felt the love of a sweet child. 

When Gavin got off work, he had a text on his cell from Annelise letting him know they were at the park near the school. He rushed over there, and smiled to himself to see Annelise and Clara playing. His heart swelled to see the gentle way Annelise played with Clara and the adoring eyes Clara looked at her with. 

"Hey you two!" He said as he came up behind them.

"Daddy!" Clara said. 

Annelise smiled. "Clara and I have been playing the past couple of hours and we're so glad you're here. Clara, do you want to go see your Daddy?" 

Clara wrapped her arms tightly around Annelise's neck and snuggled into her chest. 

"I guess she has found a new friend," Gavin said with a smile on his face.

Clara quickly got antsy to get down and play some more, so Gavin and Annelise sat down on the bench. Gavin thanked Annelise for taking such good care of his daughter, and Annelise told him she was happy to. "Truthfully, today has been the best day I've had in a long time. Clara has such a sweet spirit and is so peaceful. She makes me wish..." She trailed off.

"Wish what, Annelise?" Gavin said softly. "What is it?"

"Its nothing. I just, I love kids. I want to be a mom someday."

"Well, I think you are going to be a great mom. I've seen the way you are with my daughter, and the way she immediately fell in love with you. I am not trying to find a mom to replace her own mother, but I am so happy that she is experiencing some attention and nurturing from a woman. I try to make up for her mom being gone, but theres just somethings I will never be able to replace."

Annelise hesitated before she spoke. "Can I ask what happened to Clara's mom? Where is she?"

"Maya, her mom was always a wild spirit. I knew it when I first met her, but at that time in my life, I was all about the wild, young carefree fun. Maya got pregnant one irresponsible night, and when I found out, I promised to step up to the plate and be a father that she and our baby could be proud of. Maya tried too, I think. She moved into my house and I asked her to marry me. We tried so hard to fit our lives together, and did our best to grow up in a short amount of time. We were doing okay, but once Clara was born, Maya started getting restless again. I had a feeling it was coming but I was still shocked when I came home from work to find a babysitter at the house and Maya gone. The babysitter told me Maya said she had a hair appointment, but I knew she was never coming back. She left me a note, telling me to tell Clara her mommy loved her and that she was sorry. We never saw her again."

Annelise was quiet for a moment. "That must have been absolutely heartbreaking for you, and Clara. I am so sorry, Gavin."

Gavin smiled wistfully. "It hasn't been easy, being a single dad. But, Maya and I were never right for each other. I am just so happy that I have Clara with me, and that it didn't end with an ugly divorce and child custody arrangement. Clara and I will be okay. I just hope she doesn't carry her mothers abandonment with her as she gets older."

Annelise thought to herself, "I guess I am not the only one who has suffered and has been dealt a crappy deal in life." 

"Here's to fresh starts," she said. "Clara is so lucky to have a dad like you."

"Well, its getting late. We better get going, so I can take Clara home and feed her some dinner." Gavin said as the two of them stood up. Gavin instinctively wrapped his arms around Annelise. "Thank you. For everything. You have made our lives so much better just in this one week we've known you."

Annelise hugged him back, and held on just a second longer than she meant to. "He smells so good and I just want to stay here in his arms," she thought to herself. "But I can't. Clara will never be mine, and he's just as broken as I am."

"I'll see you two tomorrow, okay? Drop off Clara on your way to work, and I'll feed her breakfast and we'll spend the day together again. I'm looking forward to it."

The next morning, Clara and Gavin showed up around 7:00 AM. Annelise was excited to see them both, and half-wished he could spend the day with them as well."

"Good morning gorgeous baby girl!" Annelise cooed to Clara.

Clara climed out of her Dad's arms and toddled around their feet. "Lisey Lisey!" She squealed.

Annelise spent the entire day playing with Clara. They played with blocks, dolls, and Clara's favorites, the music instruments. Clara hardly fussed, and was relishing in the attention she was getting from Annelise. Clara would always be a Daddy's girl, but having another girl around was just what the little girl needed.

 Before she knew it, it was lunch time. Annelise set Clara down in the extra highchair that Gavin had brought over, and placed a bowl of Mac and Cheese in front of Clara. "Someday, I'll learn to cook something edible besides Mac and Cheese!" She laughed. "Maybe I'll try a new recipe while you nap and feed your dad a good meal tonight." She said to Clara. Clara babbled back to her as she played with her food.

"Oh crap!" She said out loud. "Tonight. I was supposed to see Eric tonight." She thought about the kiss in the car and couldn't understand why she had a sense of dread about spending time with him alone tonight.

Annelise decided she would just have to reschedule. She wasn't sure what time Gavin would be home from work, and she didn't know if she'd be up for going out after spending all day taking care of Clara. Plus, she was secretly hoping to just relax with the two of them. "What do I think this is? One big happy family?" She scolded herself. 

"Alex? Hi? Yes, about tonight...I know. I was looking forward to it too. But listen. Something has come up. I am not going to be able to go out tonight. I have something I have to take care of. Can we reschedule? ..."

There was silence on the other end of the line. He must be mad, she thought. He muttered "Fine. I'll call you later." And hung up.

"Sheesh..I didn't think he'd be so upset." She muttered to herself, while feeling relieved she didn't have to worry about getting ready and spending the whole night trying to pretend to be someone she wasn't. 

When Annelise got off the phone, she found Clara with food all over her highchair and herself. "Its time for a bath and nap time, little princess."

Clara quickly went down for a nap after her bath, and Annelise sat down to read a book but fell asleep almost immediately. Both the girls slept for almost three hours, and when they woke up, it was after four PM. "So much for that new recipe," she thought to herself.

They spent the rest of the afternoon reading stories, with Clara curled up in Annelise's lap. Every time Clara giggled or said "Liseey!" her heart fluttered. She was falling in love with this little girl, and it was terrifying.

The doorbell rang shortly before six. "That must be Daddy, Clara!" Annelise said as she scooped up Clara and headed to the door. Annelise was shocked to find Alex at her door. "How does he know where I live..." she wondered.

"Alex...hi!" She said, surprised. "What...what are you doing here?"
Alex stared at  her with cold eyes. "Who is that? You didn't tell me you had a child."
"Oh, I don't. This is my neighbors daughter, Clara."
"You canceled on me to babysit? Where are her parents?" Alex asked.
"Oh, her dad is at work. Long story, but he didn't have a babysitter." Annelise felt a weird vibe from Alex, almost as if he was mad at her, but she didn't understand why. "Alex, I wish I had time to hang out, but I have to get her back inside and get some dinner started."
"Well, I'll come in and wait for her father to get home. Then we can have the night I planned for us." He started to make his way inside,and something in Annelise's gut told her to say no.

"Listen, Alex, I think you should go. We can reschedule our date to another night, okay?"

Just then, Gavin walked up with a pizza in his hand. He was looking forward to spending some time with Annelise and Clara and was hoping he could get Annelise to open up more. He knew she cared about him and his daughter, and he could see the hurt she carried with her, and wanted to be a safe place for her to let her guard down. 

Gavin was surprised to see a man at her door. He looked angry, and Annelise almost looked afraid.

"Hey there man. I'm Alex..." he said as he walked up. 

"Who is this guy, Annelise? Is this her dad? What is going on here? You canceled on me to spend time with HIM didn't you? Its not just babysitting, it sure looks like one big happy family to me. So you lied to me?!" Alex voice was raising.

Gavin set down the pizza. "Listen, you need to stop yelling at her. I don't know who you are, but you aren't going to talk to a woman like that, nor are you going to raise your voice in front of my daughter." Gavin said.

"Do you KNOW who I am?" Alex sneered. "You better watch your back. I never have shared well."

Annelise stood, shushing Clara as she whimpered. "What is he getting so mad about? We only went out one time," she wondered. "Alex, please. Gavin is my friend, and I am helping him out by taking care of his daughter. I think you're overreacting."

"Overreacting?!" He yelled. "You are playing me, Annelise. And I won't have it!!!"

Gavin had had enough. "You need to leave." He said calmly.

Eric stormed away. "You haven't seen the last of me, sir." He shouted as he got in his corvette and drove away.