1.4 I Want To Be Near You

Once Alex left, the tension between Gavin and Annelise was thick. They didn't talk much as they fed Clara dinner, and after Clara fell asleep, Gavin made Annelise a cup of tea. She was shaken up and scared, but she also was worried that she had upset Gavin as well. "We need to talk," he said as they sat down. "Annelise, who is Alex?"

"I don't know...not really anyway" she murmured. "I met him at the court house yesterday, and he took me to lunch...I told him I'd go out with him again tonight but then I canceled on him today so I could spend time with you and Clara."

Gavins confusion and hurt showed on his face. "Okay...I guess I was under the wrong impression that when you said you wanted to just be my friend, you weren't interested in dating anyone else either..."

A tear rolled down Annelise's cheek. "I wasn't...we just went to lunch...I don't know Gavin, this is all a lot for me, really fast..."

"What aren't you telling me, Annelise? What is going on?" he asked softly.

Annelise's eyes filled with tears. "I don't know where to start. I'm such a mess." She couldn't hold her tears back any longer and they rolled down her face as she thought about how she was hurting people she cared about because she was so broken herself. 

Gavin got up and moved to the chair next to her and placed his hand on her arm. "Sshh. You're not a mess Annelise. Whatever is going on, you can tell me."

Annelise took a  deep breath. She felt like she owed him an explanation, at least. Being vulnerable didn't come easy to her, and she struggled to find the words.

"I guess I can start with why I have been so afraid to open the door for something more than friends for us. I am terrified by the fact you have a daughter. I am terrified of letting myself love a baby again....I...was seven months pregnant when I was involved in a car accident. They weren't able...I lost the baby," she cried. "The father was my fiancé. Two months before the accident, he left me to go back to his ex-wife. They had two children together, and he chose to go back to his real family instead of start one with me. I was so angry, I tried not to blame him because they were his kids too, but all I could think about was my baby growing up without a dad. "

Gavin felt a wave of emotion overtake him as he felt so heartbroken for what Annelise had experienced. "I bet being around me and Clara hasn't been easy for you, has it?" 

Annelise managed to give him a half smile. "I was so afraid it would rip open those wounds I've been trying to heal, but being with Clara has been a bright spot and filled holes in my heart I didn't think I'd ever fill. But, even that terrifies me," she said. "I am so afraid to get attached to her and then something not work out between us. I just thought I was protecting us both by only being friends."

"Annelise, you're the first person I've been interested in that Clara has spent time with. I was drawn to you, and so was she I think, from the first time we met. But I meant what I said, if you just want to be friends, I'll be your friend."

"When I moved here to Riverview, I thought I could start over. Start fresh. Find a good looking, uncomplicated guy and just be in a normal relationship for once. Thats why I went out with Alex. On paper, he was exactly what I thought I needed. But I knew something was off about him,which is why  I canceled our dinner. Now I wish I never would've gone out with him. He was so forward and aggressive from the beginning, and him just showing up here and freaking out...I'm kind of scared that he knows where I live, to be honest."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you. How about I stay here with you tonight? Clara is already asleep. It would give me piece of mind to know you weren't here all alone, and I can sleep on the couch if you want."

"Would it be weird if I asked you to stay with me...in my bed?" She asked. "I want to be near you."

Annelise changed into a long t-shirt and brushed her teeth while Gavin was in the restroom. He came out of the bathroom in just a pair of boxer shorts, and Annelise tried not to stare. I knew he was hot but...I wasn't expecting a body like that she thought. She was physically attracted to him, but she wasn't ready to take their relationship to the next level and she hoped that by inviting him into her bed for the night, she wasn't giving him the wrong idea. 

Gavin sat on the bed next to her. "You are gorgeous," he said. "This is the first time I've seen you without makeup and you're just as breathtaking without it." 

Annelise smiled. "I didn't want to like you, Gavin. I wanted to have a simple, uncomplicated life here in Riverview. But you've came into my life and complicated it in the best way."

"I know this can't be easy for you, Annelise. I know you're still trying to heal from things that have hurt you in the past, and I know a single dad earning a teacher's salary isn't exactly a woman's dream. But I care about you, and you don't have to pretend to be okay around me. Its okay to not be okay. "

Annelise started to cry again as all the emotions of the day took over her. She thought about Alex, and how worried she was that she hadn't seen the last of him. She thought about Gavin and his darling little girl, and wished her heart hadn't already started to grow so attached to them both. She cried for her losses, for her pain, and for her unborn baby she never got to meet. 

Gavin wrapped his arms around her tiny body and she snuggled into his chest. She felt so relieved to just let him hold her, as the wall she had put up came tumbling down. He never once made a move on her, but held her all night as her sobs quieted into whimpers. Gavin didn't know what this meant for them, but all he knew is how right she felt in his arms and that he didn't want to let go.

"I'll wait as long as you need Annelise. I'll hold you every night and never take it farther than this until you're ready," he whispered as he kissed her forehead and they both drifted off to sleep.